My Newest Fear

So yesterday while on my fabulous girls night out with one of my dearest friends I discovered a new fear...swim suit shopping...


I used to LOVE buying swim suits (not that I ever enjoyed wearing them out in public - but I certainly liked buying them). I have an entire collection of adorable teeny tiny bikinis that I should probably just give away at this point in my life. But while we were out I decided that I needed a new swim suit so that I can take Chase swimming for the first time this summer. So I browsed around and found this cute one piece suit that didn't look too "grandma-ish" and went to try it on.


Well let me tell you, post-baby bodies and swim suits DO NOT MIX. I don't think I have ever looked so terrible in anything in my entire life. It made me realize that I am at least 10 lbs away from swimming ready and that in addition to that even if I am back to my pre-baby weight there probably isn't a suit in the world that will cover all of my stretch marks, cellulite, saggy parts, and other nice leftovers that I still have from growing another human being.


So I guess I have to ask other moms that are out there - do they sell a swimming sweat suit? Or a swimming box? Or maybe a swimming mu-mu? If so where can I invest in one?

Tofu-licious

Who ever knew that tofu was so delicious...

I recently went out with one of my vegetarian friends (a true vegetarian not a fishatarian) and we went to a Chinese restaurant and split the sesame tofu. I am totally hooked! I even made tofu at our Memorial day BBQ and I ordered it again for dinner tonight. Considering that I am such a picky eater I never imagined that I would enjoy a food as odd as tofu. Granted it doesn't have much flavor so there isn't really much to dislike. I think I will have to hunt down some good tofu recipes.

In other food news, I've started yet another diet. I feel like I start one every day and never succeed in sticking to it. I just love food way too much but I am determined to drop the last few baby pounds that I have left. Every day I say to Boris "Today is a good day to start a diet it is (fill in the blank here)..."

The blanks can include:
a Monday
the first day of the month
the middle of the week
the day after a holiday
etc etc etc

What I really need to do is give up dieting and get back to exercising. Maybe as soon as I feel better I will actually start doing that.

Not Enough Hours in the Day

Life has been so busy lately that there never seems to be enough time...

My day was entirely too hectic - and here it is 10:30 pm and I am still awake even though I am so tired that I feel like a zombie. I think I am going to collapse.

Chase woke up bright and early as always. Boris was very kind and got up with him so that I could sleep in a bit. That was the only relaxing part of my day. The rest of the day looked as follows:

- 8:30 am: Get out of bed and shower
- Feed and dress Chase
- Eat Bagels (Courtesy of Graham Delivery Service - Which I must say is an excellent service)
- Pack up two bags worth of baby stuff that Chase will require throughout the day
- 11:30 am: Drop Chase at Grandma's house
- Go to a car dealership and purchase a car for Boris (a new white Lexus)
- Realize that the car won't be ready in time for our next planned event because they need to put a clear bra on it still
- 4:30 pm: Rush to the Pavilions in a loaner car to catch the new Indian Jones movie with my dad and cousin (which was very fun and included gorging on unhealthy junk food)
- Go back to Grandma's house to hang with Chase while Boris and Graham pick up the newly purchased car
- Eat a rushed dinner of a few slices of pizza once everyone is back at my parent's house
- 8:30 pm: Take Chase home and put him down for bed
- Put Chase down for bed multiple times as he is rather over excited and over tired
- Freak out about all the things I still need to get done
- Put outlet covers on all the outlets because I'm overly stressed and even though this task can wait I know that getting it done will make me feel a little better
- 10 pm: Send Boris and Graham to Walmart to buy baby proofing supplies
- Pick up the house and wash the bottles
- Blog while I am waiting for Boris and Graham to get back
- 10:45 pm: Eat unhealthy McDonalds that Boris and Graham picked up on the way home
- Hopefully very soon: Collapse in bed...(hopefully tomorrow will be a calmer day)

4 Years of Marital Bliss

(May 21, 2004 - Our Wedding Party)

I can't believe that I have already been married for four years...

"Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle."

Today was Boris and I's four year wedding anniversary. No one would have ever guessed that we would have ended up happily married - I remember we didn't exactly get along when we first met. If love at first sight was the way to happy marriages I dare say that Boris and I wouldn't have made it. It's a good thing we took the time to take a few additional looks at each other.

(May 21, 2004 - The Happy Couple)

"All weddings are similar, but every marriage is different."

I think that if people were to examine our marriage most people wouldn't understand it. We are both head strong and stubborn and tend to compete on a regular basis. I think it works because we balance each other and we push each other to be better people. All that is great but our poor friends must occasionally tire of our continual squabbling. At least it is all done with the utmost respect and love.

"The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together."

I think that parenting will bring some interesting new challenges to our marriage but hopefully we will rise to meet them. I look forward to seeing what the next four years bring and I hope that they are as wonderful as these last four have been...

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

Hypochondriac?

Hypochondria: extreme depression of mind or spirits often centered on imaginary physical ailments.

I have entered yet another one of my "almost a fever" phases...


Ever since January I have been what I would consider very sick. I have on and off "fevers" (which I have been clearly told aren't really fevers since my temperature only gets to about 99.5) that last 2 - 3 weeks at a time and come every 1 - 2 weeks. These non-fevers come with chills, body aches, extreme fatigue, and occasionally, other annoying symptoms such as cold symptoms, rashes, and hair loss. As you can imagine I am starting to get very frustrated and tired of being sick.


It's gone on for so long and I've been told by so many doctors that I'm not really sick that I am starting to wonder if I am crazy. I recently spoke to a friend of mine who also had weird symptoms and she assured me that I'm not crazy and that I need to keep pushing the doctors to figure out what is wrong. Since my friend also happens to be a mental health professional I remain hopeful that I am not totally losing my mind.


It does start to make you wonder though - am I making myself sick by thinking that I'm sick or is there something really wrong? It also doesn't help that so far all of my lab results have come back normal. Pretty soon I will have to start back on my hunt for a doctor who can figure out what is wrong but in the mean time I plan on just clinging to my sanity and hoping this will all just clear up on its own.

My New Ride

I can't believe I bought a new car...


I have been really impulsive lately, first the tattoo, now a new car! I suspect that I am finally adjusting to motherhood and I am ready to try something new. This my be my subconscious way of telling myself that I need some change or excitement in my life. As if being a mom isn't exciting enough. But I do LOVE my new car. Isn't it cute? Although no matter how cute it is I wonder if it was worth the pain of car shopping.


So Saturday afternoon Boris, Chase, and I went to my cousin's graduation / birthday party. It was delightful and at the end of it my mom offered to watch the little guy for a few hours. Being the planner that I am I figured it would make sense to test drive cars since my lease is up in two months and it was time to start thinking about a new car.


We first we went to a Volkswagen dealer and looked at their newest SUV but once we found out the price we were not very interested in test driving. So we decided to move on to a Saturn dealership. My original plan was to lease a Mazda CX-7 but I wanted to test drive the new Saturn Vue to have something to compare the Mazda to.


Well after driving the Vue I fell in love with the car...and of course there was a great incentive on the car - a $3,000 rebate. So we haggled with the car guy for awhile and finally we settle on a deal...but of course we have to get back to the house to get Chase before our dinner plans so we decide to sign the paperwork another day (but we did leave a rather massive down payment check). Upon returning home I decided to get on the internet to check out a bit more about the car and I realized that they make a FWD version of the car. So we call the dealership to make sure we were looking at the AWD version (because who wants a FWD SUV?!). It turns out we in fact had driven a FWD car and that the AWD car was more expensive.


After a small panic attack and many phone calls we were able to find another car that was very similar except that it didn't have leather seats and it was AWD. We went back to the dealership today and test drove that car and ended up purchasing it. I now have myself a very nice shiny new car! Woohoo! The best part is that I won't have to car shop for many years now.

Bright Eyes

It's way to early to be awake...


But since Chase decided that it was time for us all to get up I figured I would do a little blogging. I thought that I would share my favorite poem (by Lawrence Ferlinghetti).


26


That 'sensual phosphorescence my youth delighted in'



now lies almost behind me
like a land of dreams

wherein an angel

of hot sleep

dances like a diva

in strange veils

thru which desire

looks and cries



And still she dances
dances still



and still she comes

at me

with breathing breasts

and secret lips



and (ah)



bright eyes

Old Soul

I am 26 going on 40...or maybe 60...and on some days 80...

I have often been told that I have an old soul but yesterday was one of those days that really highlighted my ancient personality.

26...going on 30
Work was insanely exhausting yesterday. There was the usual list of random requests that came in during the day but the thing that made me feel beyond my years was having to deal with some HR issues that came up. I think it was one of the most emotionally exhausting things I have ever done and I left work feeling like a grump.

30...going on 35
After an insane day at work I went to pick up Chase and as we were driving home one of my neighbors was outside her house. So I pulled up next to her house to have a "drive up" conversation. There is something about pulling up in an SUV into my very suburban neighborhood with a carseat and kiddo in the back seat that really made me feel those extra years. I don't think I ever imagined that my life would involve suburban mom chats with the neighbors!

35...going on 40
Last night Boris had a gig up in Boulder at the Fox Theater. Which I must say ended up being pretty darn cool. Unfortunately, last night as I was picking up the house and feeding Chase and trying to get ready for the night all I could think was "Wow! This is a pain in the ass! I can't believe I am staying out so late! I have to get up early tomorrow for work! Grump, Grump, Grump, I'm too old to be out on a week night!"

40...going on 45
The baby sitter arrives, who happens to be my mom's best friend's daughter. For some reason she is still stuck in my head as the 8 year old that I used to play with but now she is an amazingly beautiful woman who is getting married this summer!

45...going on 50

We get to the show which happens to be a blast but after about 1 hour of standing my muscles and joints start to ache. By the end of the night I was practically hobbling out the door. So here I am limping my tired sorry butt out of the venue and the main act of the show hasn't even started! Not to mention that during the multiple hours of standing that I did I had the joy of watching slim energetic college girls shake their hot bods all over a dance floor.

50...going on...and on
We arrive home and I hardly have enough energy to get ready to sleep but I collapse into bed and as I am drifting off I think to myself: "I may have an old soul but at least I am married to a rock star, I have an amazing new tattoo, and I have one of the world's cutest babies" - That thought made me feel better and I was out.

You Be The Judge

I've decided that I just don't understand some people...

I guess everyone has different views on life and everyone is certainly entitled to those views, but after much consideration I've decided that I am unfortunately a very judgmental person. For example, I was at daycare picking up Chase today and I was talking to one of the teachers and she reminded me that we have to pick up Chase by 3pm tomorrow because the daycare is closed in the afternoon for teacher appreciation. I told her that we would get Chase around 2:30. I guess it turns out that tons of parents have been asking "So, exactly how late can I pick up my kid?" Well, since the daycare closes at 3pm and it is in the handbook, and there are signs posted, and the teachers are reminding everyone, I would guess that you should pick up your kid by 3pm.

So after those initial thoughts, the judging began. I started wondering why it was so difficult for parents to plan ahead and request a day off work or even an afternoon off work, especially since we have known about this since the beginning of the year. Next I decided that those parents weren't being very kind or appreciative of the teachers who watch their children all day. Then after that I started wondering why people even have children if they don't want to make the time to take care of them.

What a huge leap for me to make - from someone not being able to pick up their kid - to them not being a good parent. It's a bit ridiculous and I should probably be more careful about that because I'm sure in some cases there are circumstances that make the situation difficult. Also on the other side of the coin I'm sure that there are stay at home moms out there wondering the exact same thing about me since I am a working mom. Every story has two sides.

All that being said, it was very eye opening for me to realize how quickly I jump to conclusions. Maybe next year I will make a resolution to not be so critical of others but I think for the time being I will just try to keep my opinions to myself.

Inspired

I've been inspired...

I'm ashamed to admit how behind the times I am but I just recently discovered the world of blogs and was amazed to find how much I enjoy reading them. In fact, I've acquired the habit of reading a few of my friends blogs on a regular basis and I decided that it was time to try my hand at maintaining one of my own.

I must say that getting started is rather intimidating. First you have to pick out a name for your blog, which I am apparently unable to do, so I had to rely on my husband to come up with an idea. Then you have to design the layout, select the perfect colors and fonts, edit your profile, and so on and so one. For someone as obsessive as me that is quite that task! Finally, after all of the fine tuning you are ready to start blogging when you realize that the hardest part is still ahead - you have to think of something to write about that other people would actually be interested in reading...phew.

So, since I am fairly new to the concept of blogging I am not sure if there is any etiquette that I need to be aware of, I guess the best thing to do is leap blindly into the process and hope for the best. How hard could it possibly be...